sometimes rather sloppy

Recently, I’ve decided to slay all remaining unicorns frolicking free in my girly brain. Then I went on to drown all of the disney princesses bobbing about.

SO THIS IS WHAT FRESH AIR FEELS LIKE. And hey, now I can say FUCK THAT SHIT! 

Unfortunately, some men can’t handle a wise-ass female who can verbally spar with the best of them…they feel emasculated, make rape jokes, and then try to intimidate her with their size. Then when she cries, they smirk. She’s a “hysterical female” who is “overreacting”. They “put her in her place”.

I’m sick of wasting myself in areas I know won’t lead to where I want to go. I’m ready to put myself out there.

No longer will I sprawl out on a couch, lower my gaze, or feel around for what’s easy. That is not living. I want to feel my blood. I want terror and ecstasy to hold hands.

I’m ready to feel things out, push aside my assumptions, and absorb. 

I never give myself enough credit. 

But you know what? I am beautiful, intelligent, and powerful.

I’m going to get the life I want.

I hope to see you there.

I decide I am done with this guy who wants to the play the “i have things to do, am a man, and therefore shall assume reign over you” card. The last time we hung out I drunkenly blurted I didn’t like his long hair. So now he cuts off and texts me about it. I respond with an unenthusiastic woo. Soon after he starts admitting all these feelings for me. I guess he noticed the shift in my attitude. 

Then he goes on to admit he is polyamourous…and makes the idea of him fucking other people sound really lovely. They always do. But all I hear is, “I wanna have my cake and eat it too.” And it makes me feel cheap.

But I think if this slice of red velvet (me) was worthwhile enough in his eyes, he wouldn’t be saying this shit to me.

So where do I stand?

I don’t know. Everyone is a slut.

But seriously, I want to date again. I want it to be real. I want it to be passionate. I don’t want to instantly become a girlfriend and have to play into some bullshit role…but I also want to know someone wants me above all others. And I’m pretty cool. It’s not asking for much.